| What if what you want to do is actually what you are meant to do.

What if what you want to do is actually what you are meant to do?

Do you feel in the "freeze state" where you feel like you cannot move forward without first getting direction in making decisions; and like God will be mad at you if you do not hear Him correctly? I wonder what would happen if you took a moment and listened to what you believe you "should be doing," and practiced instead- choosing what you want to do. Take a moment to listen to your body and practice being curious about what may feel scary about this practice?

I often wrestled with thoughts like "If I wear this, eat this, decide this, say no to this… what if it's the wrong decision?" I often viewed The Father as someone who wanted me to ask him about every decision. This was a learned style of relating that God had not asked of me. For many years, I second-guessed myself, and often chose the thing I "should" be doing, and believed that what I wanted to be doing, was untrustworthy. I did not trust myself or my heart to make decisions.

I grew up believing that I would miss out on God's will for my life if I did not first wait and pray. This was a lot of pressure. For it kept me in a "freeze state.” I thought that I had to wait and pray over every decision to be accepted and loved, and in God's will. This can be hurtful and place a false view of God.

I would pray over most of my decisions and get incredibly anxious about making a mistake or choosing something that would make the Father or Jesus disappointed in me. If I did not hear a response from God, I would spend many minutes or even hours praying. I was ultimately exhausted- and felt stuck, fearful, and incredibly anxious. Until one day, I realized that this was a lack of trust and a lack of love for myself. By choosing what I should be doing over what I wanted to do, sent the message to my heart, that "what I wanted was not good, not enough, and ultimately the wrong desire." I believed my decisions were wrong for so many years that I had to break that negative pattern that had developed in my brain.

So, one day I invited God into this process and said "Jesus, I want what You want, and You have every right to change my direction or path; and right now, I am overthinking, fearful, and incredibly anxious. So, I'm going to spend a season practicing making decisions without overthinking if what I want to do is wrong, and trust that I'm still loved by You and that I am in your will for my life." I believe it is very true that our environment places a false face on God sometimes. Sometimes it can also serve us for that season; but what I wanted to learn in this season was to trust my gut and honor my body when it was saying yes or no. I wanted to learn to say yes to my desires and dreams without guilt. I wanted to wake up and spend time with God in the way I felt that day. I wanted to believe that that God was not asking me to be codependent and hyper-vigilant. But rather, trust that I carry His imprint wherever I go. I wanted to believe His arms were open saying "Well done kiddo. Be free.”

When I began to practice making decisions without fear- abundance, joy, and confidence began to increase. I began to laugh more and hold my head up high, and I actually felt more connected to God.

I want to encourage you, to sit in His love as His Beloved and trust that you are good. Practice getting out of the “freeze state” where you believe you must get it completely right or you will mess up His will. Here I was believing that God wanted me to ask Him about everything, while that led my mind to feel hyper-vigilant; looking over my shoulder instead of trusting that The Father is smiling saying "Go for it Kid, and I will never leave. You betcha' that I'll bring you abundance. Be free, play, and make decisions. When you do go ahead, I'll be there. I made The Spirit to walk with you to walk through this life."

Go in Courage Dear One. May you break the pattern of fear and be met with the loving gaze of Jesus who laughs with delight at His kiddo and her good, trustworthy heart.

Songs: What If: Cody Fry, Intact: Falcon, & Simple Gospel: United Pursuit

Go in Courage.

Maddy V. Hesslau